I used to love my kitchen table, until an unexpected accident occurred which caused the table to end up broken off of it's legs. While I had the table, it served many purposes. The obvious purpose was the consumption of meals. Others included storage for objects which had no immediate location to be placed, reading books, sleeving comics, and quite a few other things. I even started my gaming lifestyle at a kitchen table. The fun part about my kitchen table is that I have shared with it the same experiences many other people have.

I played my first event with people who were not simply Knights of the Kitchen Table when I was 15. My very first game with the public was a Pokemon Tournament held at a store called Little Bits and Things. This wasn't my Kitchen Table any more. There were about a dozen or so people here and all of them shared a desire with me, to play Pokemon. It was awesome being able to play and discuss the game with new people. There were always new people.

A few months later I was taught the game of V:TES and Magic the Gathering. I spent some time tinkering with decks for both and played the Kitchen Table Circuit as far as it went; which was basically my two of my friends' kitchen tables. I had even begun to teach Magic to my friends that I played Pokemon with. However, I began to desire more. I spoke to the owner of Little Bits and Things and asked her if she would run a few Magic events. Her store really wasn't designed for it and she only ran a couple before deciding against it.

Being unaware of the size of the gaming community for Magic I decided to take matters into my own hands. I began a Magic the Gathering League at the Park Forest Library. It was awesome. Within a few weeks I was meeting more people. People who shared the same interest to play the game of Magic and discuss the topic we all knew. This was something which I would never have accomplished at the Kitchen Table.

While I do still enjoy a good game at the kitchen table, I would never reclaim my Knighthood. Gaming is about being challenged, being able to express yourself, and being able to discuss new things with new people. Sure sometimes people outside of the Kitchen Table can be more aggressive or competitive, but sometimes they can be exactly the kind of person you're glad you didn't lose the opportunity to hang out with.

My friend Pete is just that kind of person. It frustrates me so much that over the last few years Pete and I have grown in different directions because Pete was one of my first friends to truly motivate me to get things done. Pete made me feel like I had reason and purpose. He reminded me that it's great to have a place to play where no one can stop you from being who you are.

As I look at the store I reminisce about the days of the past. The friends and acquaintances I have made. I just want to bring that back for others to enjoy. Next Wednesday, EDH will be free. Show up, have some fun playing EDH with us and get some free promos. Take some time to remember what it means to hang out with your extended friends and possibly even meet some new ones. You never know when someone you played a game with, might be someone who can change your life. I hate to make it sound overly dramatic, but if it hadn't happened to me I wouldn't feel right saying it.

It's been a while since I have thrown one of these together. I figured that by now I probably should though. I have been debating for some time what I wanted to do with this blog. Do I want to use it as a place to gripe or as a place to talk about what is going on in my life or do I want to talk about relevant things. The direction I have decided to go is that of relevance, but with some degree of feeling. I want to use this blog to discuss the things that go into running The Lair and what it is that goes through my head as time goes on.

I didn't realize this until recently, but a great deal of my customers are unaware that I still have a day job. People are often take by surprise when I mention that I work full time. On the opposite end though, people seem to treat me like I have money spewing out of my ass because of it. Believe me, I wouldn't be stressed out when my business's partners broke my equipment if the store was a profit epicenter. In fact the store is exactly the opposite. The store is one of the biggest money pits ever. Over the last year I have given the store the equivalent of two of my paychecks to pay for inventory to keep the store alive. This is not the words of a person complaining about it, just a point of reference for anyone who may think otherwise.

This business was a dream of mine. It has been since the very first day I walked into a store which ran CCG events. Little Bits And Things was where I began playing CCGs in groups. It was awesome. You came into a place filled with people and everyone knew who you were, and if they didn't, in a few days they would. People were always talking about the stuff you wanted to talk about, the game. I realized not too long into playing that this was what gaming was supposed to be about. It's like having a second home. You come in and people are happy to see you. Whether or not they like you, you are another player. You are part of the family and you add that special something that no one else can.

With the store in the position it is now, I find myself feeling depressed when I think about it. Often times I feel like parts of my family have drifted away. That happens sometimes and is to be expected, but I have lost so many of them I feel as if they have died. Part of the issue is that some people fit into roles, just as if they were a part of a family. Sometimes they hate the roles they play, but they miss out on how much they are valued. One person I wanted to point out most was a player that almost everyone knows, Aslan. Aslan got stuck with the least most fun role of all, the guy who get's defaulted on for being hazed. It's all meant in fun, but sometimes it can go too far or get misunderstood. Aslan was the kind of guy who might have felt that no one liked him, but I have had plenty of conversations where we remember having Aslan around and miss the fact that his isn't part of our family any more. He was a bit socially awkward, but he always seemed like he took an insult well. Probably because most of the time he felt like he was better than it, and even though no one would ever admit it we all knew it was true, at least until he quit showing up because of it.

He's not the only person from the family I miss. There are dozens of people I haven't seen in forever. Even ending Yu-Gi-Oh had a dynamic impact on how much I really enjoyed having the family so big. Some of you have heard me talk about how I miss the fact that it kept the business afloat so easy, but the truth is, sometimes I felt sort of like those kids were my own. It's probably why it bothered me so much watching some of the negative things they did, even though they had no effect on myself or the business.

They players are why I have put so much of my time, money, and soul into this business, but it gets harder every day when I get to see less and less of them. I would give anything to see some of our family return. Even the rumor that the Dave's have returned brought a light of joy to me. Hearing some old names I haven't heard in a while makes me feel like maybe it's not all a waste. Maybe there is still a reason to try to keep the game alive.

Have you ever watched a parade and hoped it would rain? Have you ever been to the circus and waited with anticipation for a tightrope walker to fall? I am starting to think that a lot more people than I thought have. A few more people than I expected have asked me if my proposal yesterday to Teri was too early or was the right thing to do. I was even grilled by one person to make sure I was making the right decision. Twenty questions later he gave me his blessing. I don’t need someone else’s blessing to decide whether or not I want to tell someone I love them so much that I want to spend the rest of my life with them. I make the decision about the person I want to face the troubles, enjoy the happiness, work through the loss, and forge the rest of my life with. I know that quite a few people just simply worry because we live in a world where relationships and marriages end without any provocation or warning (and I myself am proof of that).

However, what it comes down to is that when I talk to Teri, she is my equal and I am her equal. We have a mutual respect and admiration for each other. She is my friend and she is my partner. I don’t have some kind of dreamy vision of her, I see her as an intelligent, beautiful, responsible, generous, devoted, and loving woman, and though I see all that I can still see the things that make her Teri, the dark sides as well as the light.

For those of you who are unaware I enjoy assessing people for what they are made of. Learning the deeper complexities of people makes me feel excited. I am very aware of Teri’s faults and the things which will add a layer of complexity to our life together; however there is not a moment that I feel as though these faults are any different than my own. Though they are unique in what they are they are still a subject which the two of us discuss and continue to find balance for.

Commitment is about telling another person that they are everything you have been searching for, and that you accept them as who they are and are willing to be there for them always. I go into this with no false visions of what will happen or how difficult this will be. Marriage is hard work, determination, and faith. I have no doubts about the way I feel about Teri and I look forward to facing the days ahead with her.

As many of you know, there is very little about the Christmas Holiday which I enjoy. Usually, during this holiday I am either short on money, time, or good cheer. By the last week prior to Christmas, my stress levels have me passed the point I can breathe. Last year this was caused when I not only got my check two and a half weeks late, but also did not get my usual Christmas bonus. The year before that Rebecca had lost her job and Christmas would mostly be about preparing to buffer ourselves against the problems to come.

When the month began I had already been handed a bit more than I could handle. Wally decided that he could no longer work at the store because he was looking for more work and didn’t feel he could keep up the responsibility. This wasn’t a huge problem, however, since I had been handling the FNMs prior to that with little trouble, the additional Friday gave me time to be able to get some side responsibilities done, however and would allow me additional shopping time this year.

In addition, the two weeks prior to Thanksgiving I floated the store a loan which I was sure would have paid off by now. However, due to the random decrease in player attendance at both the FNMs and the Drafts, income tanked during the month of November and I am still sitting on $800 which will end up being paid back to me in slow installments.

During the last week of the month, I was notified by Rebecca that the custody agreement, which I thought was going to be sufficient, was not usable and would have to be amended. This meant that I would not be allowed to see my daughter for at least another month, and it was especially painful because of the time of year, and my family’s desire to see her again.

However, Teri has been amazingly supportive during this time. It’s a little tougher for her and I really appreciate the attempts she has been making. I feel awful because I know what a mess I become this time of year and the fact that she understands is help on it’s own.

I have new plans for the store next year and so far they seem to be fairly awesome. Tom is going to come on in a more Partner style position and I am still in the market for a few others. I am currently watching one of my clients deal with a nightmare situation and I don’t want to end up there myself.

So where am I going with all this?

Mostly I am just passing out status updates to the world and explaining why the great deal of silence lately. Although it’s not completely responsible I was trying to enjoy as much of my time in November as I could.

To anyone which may feel like I have been ignoring them or not communicating with them as much, I apologize and to those of you who feel I was rude or insincere, I apologize.

For years I have always thought of myself as a good communicator. However, in the last few years I have had it brought to my attention that some of the ways I communicate have been rather rude, or at least so I am told. When enough isolated people tell you that certain mannerisms you had may be impeding your ability to have a positive relationship with people, you start to realize that there must be a reason.

As I have had it informed to me, and not directly I might add (and yes this is actually said with the tone it sounds like, I tend to type the way I speak), I tend to speak down to people when engaged in an argument. To be quite sincere however, it is not a trait I have really felt so bad for doing though. As of the present, the only people who seem to get offended by it our people who tend not to be too terribly sure of their own opinions, hence the trouble in being able to say something about this to me directly. If you feel this includes you, it probably does. If you want to get mad and go tell someone else, then don’t expect me to change my opinion.

When I began this blog, my intention was to take a scenario and apply my personally crooked opinion to it. The intent wasn’t even to garner a fan base, I just wanted to have another outlet for personal expression of opinion.

Apparently, however, the method of expressing opinions is such a problem that people will allow it to change the way they treat and interact with other people. People find themselves unable to confront their problems head on and they make excuses for why they use surrogates to get the job done.

Again, if this feels like a personally attack on anyone, let me inform you that this is not directed at anyone. I’m sick of failed communication with people and my attitude of speaking down to people cannot end unless people can site some examples. So I urge you, if you feel that this is a problem and you want to explain to me what it is that was done and why it makes you feel so sad then reply and let me know. Otherwise, get over it.

I have always learned that when you feel strongly about something you have to commit yourself to feeling that it is the right answer and that you have the right answer. As many people have experienced I tend to come off as being either liberal or conservative to which I will remind all of you I am neither. I enjoy taking the opposed stance in an argument though and standing my ground. However, if you would like to have an open discussion, prepare to experience a difference scenario all together.

Communication is one of the best parts of being a human being. Failure to communicate is one of the greatest threats to our social existence. Be a part of life, communicate. You can find out some great things about people when you take a moment to tell them they are doing something you don’t like and people aren’t going to change the way they treat you unless you give them a reason to.