I hate days like today.

So far, the day has been about as boring as they come. I paid a few bills, the ones that I could, anyway and in a little bit I need to run and get some temporary supplies for the house. I had thought I was going to pack things up today, but then I realized that Sunday, Eric threw away all the boxes which had been stacked up for almost two weeks. I felt bad because I didn’t say anything, but I figured if they hadn’t moved after two weeks, they probably weren’t going anywhere. Oh well, I’ll get more on Wednesday and Friday. I would have rather played Arkham Asylum.

I’ve decided to try to give Teri a little more time to spend with her roommates and herself. Personally, it’s maddening. Monday is traditionally the day I am way too exhausted to do anything that involves traveling. I usually get home and just want to spend time talking, playing something, and then going to bed. Tonight, I will probably be going to bed early, after I run my errands and say goodnight to Samantha.

I’ve never really been the type to hate Mondays, but they always seem to hate me.

I hope you are reading this at a more reasonable time than I am writing it. Tonight I accomplished a lot, and yet, it still isn’t enough to help me sleep. I’m currently going through a phase which is common and I know will pass, but it is going to make the next few days difficult to deal with.

On a semi-related yet not closely related note, I think I might be going crazy, but definitely the good kind. As I have mentioned before, I have been spending a great deal of time with Teri, and as I have said I have felt pretty good about doing so. It has caused me to not be at the store as much as usual, but I feel that the time I have invested has been worth every moment. Before you think that this means I am crazy about Teri, stop. Teri is one thing I am very serious about, she’s not perfect and that’s one of the best things about her. I would never call what I feel about Teri crazy. I am going crazy because I feel happy and I am beginning to feel like that might be ok.

My whole life has been a constant struggle of fighting with being unhappy, becoming happy, and then having my happiness stripped away. Usually, the happiness I obtain is from compromising with me and accepting what I have as good. This time I went from an unhappy period straight to feeling like I just won some kind of super lottery drawing. I have a beautiful daughter who I will get the opportunity to start spending time with once some paperwork is solidified, the most awesome girlfriend that money couldn’t buy, a supportive friend base (even though sometimes I don’t accept that), and a very solid plan for my future. All of these things just seemed to start falling into place.

Which brings me to why I am terrified and in the state I am in. Life does tend to steal things away from me, and I can feel my subconscious somehow trying to bargain with it. I keep starting to create bad situations for myself. Thankfully nothing has been too dramatic, but I have to keep these under control. Right now, I am very happy with the direction my life is taking me.

To put this very simply, I have been able to spend the last few weeks being able to make someone happy because they are making me happy because I am making them happy, and the same is true for the inverse. I’ve been able to do a lot of things I really enjoy, but never get a chance to enjoy. I’ve also been doing a lot of things I don’t typically enjoy, but the scenario seems to change everything.

Now if only these next few days of over thinking would finally come to an end so I can get my mind back into focus.

Though a great many of you now know I went to Ohio last weekend, not as many of you really understand why. Why would Steve take his girlfriend, who had already purchased a plane ticket to Ohio, by car to the middle of nowhere in Ohio? The answer has a very large quantity of layers. Layers? What the hell do you mean by layers? Is your relationship a complicated cake? Not at all, fictitious person who asks really odd questions. Actually, I am just really complicated and simple simultaneously and for some reason, people don’t take a moment to realize that the complicated parts are very easily understood.

Let’s start with the simplest reason. Teri was a bridesmaid in a wedding in Logan, Ohio. I took Teri to pick up her dress from the tailor. As she opened the curtain and stepped out, I had already decided that I had a very overwhelming desire to watch her take part in this occasion.

Before I continue, I feel I need to elaborate on something. I am not traditionally a fan of going to people’s weddings. I think that there are traditionally two problems with weddings. The first is that they are usually over planned to the point that someone is nervous that something is going to go wrong. The other problem I have is that the little stuff which should be planned for never seems to be and is the thing which is potentially the most disastrous to the person who has over planned. A smaller problem I tend to just pass on is that most men have never once thought about their wedding and usually don’t want to have any part in the wedding itself except for the saying of the words “I Do” and getting the hell out of the building so they can get that “post wedding sex” they have heard so much about. I do, however, love the emotional responses people have to a wedding. I myself, actually find it touching the way that people respond to the people being married. It is one of the few times that emotions are very sincere.

Seeing Teri try to stand calm and composed with a look of happiness and pride was something that, to me, would be a potential asset to be stored away in my memory vaults. Little did I know it would be so much more than I could have imagined. Watching her stand there in that beautiful dress was one of the few things I can say is honestly more captivating than watching the rain pour down on a stormy night. My vantage point was a little less than amazing, but being able to have any vantage point is more than I felt, at that moment, I ever truly deserved.

The more complicated reason, however, is what happened afterward. When we left there Saturday, we headed for her friend Stephanie’s house. The car ride was one of those unexpected treasures you get in life. The drive to her house was worth more money than I will ever be able to obtain, and to call it priceless is to devalue its level of awesomeness. This is not the reason I meant though, part of what I had wanted was to give her a chance to see her friends again. As I have told many people, many times it is important to remember who you are and how you got there. Seeing and appreciating the people who helped you make it through every day and cared about you when you felt alone is something that so many people take for granted. Being able to give Teri the ability to spend even just a few minutes being reminded of the fact that no matter how far you go your friends will always care about you made the trip worth every minute.

Right now, I know my friends are probably feeling like, especially after what I just said, I am trying to move my life in a direction where they are not a part of it. The truth is, I am just taking a little time to indulge myself in something very special. There isn’t very much like Teri that comes along in life, and for a little while I experienced a very strong fear of loss. However, just like my friends, Teri wants to be a part of my life and I find myself proud to have her there, just as I have all of the rest of my friends.

This trip to Ohio was about a lot of things, but most importantly it is about remembering that there are some things far more important than just getting the things done which have to be done. Just because I will always love Teri, doesn’t mean I won’t also always love my friends.

I have done a lot of very strange things in my lifetime. I have also had a very strange relationship with Teri. This two things being solid fact, the next statement I make really shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. I just got back from a trip to Ohio, which I had no intention to take on Friday, but took anyway. In fact, Friday at 10PM, I was getting ready to deliver Teri to the spot where she would leave alone for Ohio, ultimately by plane. The decision to go to Ohio was finalized at 12PM on Friday, in a parking lot, after a quick lunch at McDonalds. My thanks go out to Justin and Tom for helping to take care of things during this totally and seemingly irrational decision. I’ll have more details later, but for those of you wondering where I have been, the location was Ohio, and yes, it was totally the right decision.