Have you ever watched a parade and hoped it would rain? Have you ever been to the circus and waited with anticipation for a tightrope walker to fall? I am starting to think that a lot more people than I thought have. A few more people than I expected have asked me if my proposal yesterday to Teri was too early or was the right thing to do. I was even grilled by one person to make sure I was making the right decision. Twenty questions later he gave me his blessing. I don’t need someone else’s blessing to decide whether or not I want to tell someone I love them so much that I want to spend the rest of my life with them. I make the decision about the person I want to face the troubles, enjoy the happiness, work through the loss, and forge the rest of my life with. I know that quite a few people just simply worry because we live in a world where relationships and marriages end without any provocation or warning (and I myself am proof of that).

However, what it comes down to is that when I talk to Teri, she is my equal and I am her equal. We have a mutual respect and admiration for each other. She is my friend and she is my partner. I don’t have some kind of dreamy vision of her, I see her as an intelligent, beautiful, responsible, generous, devoted, and loving woman, and though I see all that I can still see the things that make her Teri, the dark sides as well as the light.

For those of you who are unaware I enjoy assessing people for what they are made of. Learning the deeper complexities of people makes me feel excited. I am very aware of Teri’s faults and the things which will add a layer of complexity to our life together; however there is not a moment that I feel as though these faults are any different than my own. Though they are unique in what they are they are still a subject which the two of us discuss and continue to find balance for.

Commitment is about telling another person that they are everything you have been searching for, and that you accept them as who they are and are willing to be there for them always. I go into this with no false visions of what will happen or how difficult this will be. Marriage is hard work, determination, and faith. I have no doubts about the way I feel about Teri and I look forward to facing the days ahead with her.

As many of you know, there is very little about the Christmas Holiday which I enjoy. Usually, during this holiday I am either short on money, time, or good cheer. By the last week prior to Christmas, my stress levels have me passed the point I can breathe. Last year this was caused when I not only got my check two and a half weeks late, but also did not get my usual Christmas bonus. The year before that Rebecca had lost her job and Christmas would mostly be about preparing to buffer ourselves against the problems to come.

When the month began I had already been handed a bit more than I could handle. Wally decided that he could no longer work at the store because he was looking for more work and didn’t feel he could keep up the responsibility. This wasn’t a huge problem, however, since I had been handling the FNMs prior to that with little trouble, the additional Friday gave me time to be able to get some side responsibilities done, however and would allow me additional shopping time this year.

In addition, the two weeks prior to Thanksgiving I floated the store a loan which I was sure would have paid off by now. However, due to the random decrease in player attendance at both the FNMs and the Drafts, income tanked during the month of November and I am still sitting on $800 which will end up being paid back to me in slow installments.

During the last week of the month, I was notified by Rebecca that the custody agreement, which I thought was going to be sufficient, was not usable and would have to be amended. This meant that I would not be allowed to see my daughter for at least another month, and it was especially painful because of the time of year, and my family’s desire to see her again.

However, Teri has been amazingly supportive during this time. It’s a little tougher for her and I really appreciate the attempts she has been making. I feel awful because I know what a mess I become this time of year and the fact that she understands is help on it’s own.

I have new plans for the store next year and so far they seem to be fairly awesome. Tom is going to come on in a more Partner style position and I am still in the market for a few others. I am currently watching one of my clients deal with a nightmare situation and I don’t want to end up there myself.

So where am I going with all this?

Mostly I am just passing out status updates to the world and explaining why the great deal of silence lately. Although it’s not completely responsible I was trying to enjoy as much of my time in November as I could.

To anyone which may feel like I have been ignoring them or not communicating with them as much, I apologize and to those of you who feel I was rude or insincere, I apologize.