It's been a while since I have thrown one of these together. I figured that by now I probably should though. I have been debating for some time what I wanted to do with this blog. Do I want to use it as a place to gripe or as a place to talk about what is going on in my life or do I want to talk about relevant things. The direction I have decided to go is that of relevance, but with some degree of feeling. I want to use this blog to discuss the things that go into running The Lair and what it is that goes through my head as time goes on.

I didn't realize this until recently, but a great deal of my customers are unaware that I still have a day job. People are often take by surprise when I mention that I work full time. On the opposite end though, people seem to treat me like I have money spewing out of my ass because of it. Believe me, I wouldn't be stressed out when my business's partners broke my equipment if the store was a profit epicenter. In fact the store is exactly the opposite. The store is one of the biggest money pits ever. Over the last year I have given the store the equivalent of two of my paychecks to pay for inventory to keep the store alive. This is not the words of a person complaining about it, just a point of reference for anyone who may think otherwise.

This business was a dream of mine. It has been since the very first day I walked into a store which ran CCG events. Little Bits And Things was where I began playing CCGs in groups. It was awesome. You came into a place filled with people and everyone knew who you were, and if they didn't, in a few days they would. People were always talking about the stuff you wanted to talk about, the game. I realized not too long into playing that this was what gaming was supposed to be about. It's like having a second home. You come in and people are happy to see you. Whether or not they like you, you are another player. You are part of the family and you add that special something that no one else can.

With the store in the position it is now, I find myself feeling depressed when I think about it. Often times I feel like parts of my family have drifted away. That happens sometimes and is to be expected, but I have lost so many of them I feel as if they have died. Part of the issue is that some people fit into roles, just as if they were a part of a family. Sometimes they hate the roles they play, but they miss out on how much they are valued. One person I wanted to point out most was a player that almost everyone knows, Aslan. Aslan got stuck with the least most fun role of all, the guy who get's defaulted on for being hazed. It's all meant in fun, but sometimes it can go too far or get misunderstood. Aslan was the kind of guy who might have felt that no one liked him, but I have had plenty of conversations where we remember having Aslan around and miss the fact that his isn't part of our family any more. He was a bit socially awkward, but he always seemed like he took an insult well. Probably because most of the time he felt like he was better than it, and even though no one would ever admit it we all knew it was true, at least until he quit showing up because of it.

He's not the only person from the family I miss. There are dozens of people I haven't seen in forever. Even ending Yu-Gi-Oh had a dynamic impact on how much I really enjoyed having the family so big. Some of you have heard me talk about how I miss the fact that it kept the business afloat so easy, but the truth is, sometimes I felt sort of like those kids were my own. It's probably why it bothered me so much watching some of the negative things they did, even though they had no effect on myself or the business.

They players are why I have put so much of my time, money, and soul into this business, but it gets harder every day when I get to see less and less of them. I would give anything to see some of our family return. Even the rumor that the Dave's have returned brought a light of joy to me. Hearing some old names I haven't heard in a while makes me feel like maybe it's not all a waste. Maybe there is still a reason to try to keep the game alive.

As many of you know, there is very little about the Christmas Holiday which I enjoy. Usually, during this holiday I am either short on money, time, or good cheer. By the last week prior to Christmas, my stress levels have me passed the point I can breathe. Last year this was caused when I not only got my check two and a half weeks late, but also did not get my usual Christmas bonus. The year before that Rebecca had lost her job and Christmas would mostly be about preparing to buffer ourselves against the problems to come.

When the month began I had already been handed a bit more than I could handle. Wally decided that he could no longer work at the store because he was looking for more work and didn’t feel he could keep up the responsibility. This wasn’t a huge problem, however, since I had been handling the FNMs prior to that with little trouble, the additional Friday gave me time to be able to get some side responsibilities done, however and would allow me additional shopping time this year.

In addition, the two weeks prior to Thanksgiving I floated the store a loan which I was sure would have paid off by now. However, due to the random decrease in player attendance at both the FNMs and the Drafts, income tanked during the month of November and I am still sitting on $800 which will end up being paid back to me in slow installments.

During the last week of the month, I was notified by Rebecca that the custody agreement, which I thought was going to be sufficient, was not usable and would have to be amended. This meant that I would not be allowed to see my daughter for at least another month, and it was especially painful because of the time of year, and my family’s desire to see her again.

However, Teri has been amazingly supportive during this time. It’s a little tougher for her and I really appreciate the attempts she has been making. I feel awful because I know what a mess I become this time of year and the fact that she understands is help on it’s own.

I have new plans for the store next year and so far they seem to be fairly awesome. Tom is going to come on in a more Partner style position and I am still in the market for a few others. I am currently watching one of my clients deal with a nightmare situation and I don’t want to end up there myself.

So where am I going with all this?

Mostly I am just passing out status updates to the world and explaining why the great deal of silence lately. Although it’s not completely responsible I was trying to enjoy as much of my time in November as I could.

To anyone which may feel like I have been ignoring them or not communicating with them as much, I apologize and to those of you who feel I was rude or insincere, I apologize.

I hope you are reading this at a more reasonable time than I am writing it. Tonight I accomplished a lot, and yet, it still isn’t enough to help me sleep. I’m currently going through a phase which is common and I know will pass, but it is going to make the next few days difficult to deal with.

On a semi-related yet not closely related note, I think I might be going crazy, but definitely the good kind. As I have mentioned before, I have been spending a great deal of time with Teri, and as I have said I have felt pretty good about doing so. It has caused me to not be at the store as much as usual, but I feel that the time I have invested has been worth every moment. Before you think that this means I am crazy about Teri, stop. Teri is one thing I am very serious about, she’s not perfect and that’s one of the best things about her. I would never call what I feel about Teri crazy. I am going crazy because I feel happy and I am beginning to feel like that might be ok.

My whole life has been a constant struggle of fighting with being unhappy, becoming happy, and then having my happiness stripped away. Usually, the happiness I obtain is from compromising with me and accepting what I have as good. This time I went from an unhappy period straight to feeling like I just won some kind of super lottery drawing. I have a beautiful daughter who I will get the opportunity to start spending time with once some paperwork is solidified, the most awesome girlfriend that money couldn’t buy, a supportive friend base (even though sometimes I don’t accept that), and a very solid plan for my future. All of these things just seemed to start falling into place.

Which brings me to why I am terrified and in the state I am in. Life does tend to steal things away from me, and I can feel my subconscious somehow trying to bargain with it. I keep starting to create bad situations for myself. Thankfully nothing has been too dramatic, but I have to keep these under control. Right now, I am very happy with the direction my life is taking me.

To put this very simply, I have been able to spend the last few weeks being able to make someone happy because they are making me happy because I am making them happy, and the same is true for the inverse. I’ve been able to do a lot of things I really enjoy, but never get a chance to enjoy. I’ve also been doing a lot of things I don’t typically enjoy, but the scenario seems to change everything.

Now if only these next few days of over thinking would finally come to an end so I can get my mind back into focus.

So far things have been awesome. After an interesting preceding evening and a chaotic weekend I find myself in a position I did not expect to be, happy. So far I have done more in a day than I got to do in my first year here

It began with a bit of getting to know the other volunteers. It was actually a bit of an ego booster when you look around and realize that you might actually be in a place where you finally could be top 10 in attractiveness, but to be fair, I was also probably bottom ten in age, if not bottom five.

We then hung out and played a couple hands of Fluxx, and Tree House. The follow up was a rousing foam sword fight, which reminded me that there are still areas of my stamina that need work.

The night was still young, however and I was in my favorite of things. I am dangerous in a hotel. I explore and I love every minute of the exploration When the hotel is attached to other buildings by a series of bridges, I have achieved a higher state of life, and when I am surrounded by the culture I enjoy life is nirvana. My exploration this time would prove extra fruitful though.

Pastimes decided to give their staff a reward for the getting things set up The reward was a free night a GameWorks. Gameworks is in a mall here, which happens to be connected to this hotel, which I happened to stumble into. An hour of HydroThunder and time crisis 3 later, the machines started to deactivate and it was obvious that the party was over.

After dropping off our ganked pastimes staff shirts, Brendan and I headed to dinner at Steak and Shake and the wandered around the building having a few conversations about one of our favorite topics.

A great start to what I hope will be a great weekend. It is almost 3 our time which makes it 4 here, so it is time to retire until sunrise. Day two will be here soon!