I used to love my kitchen table, until an unexpected accident occurred which caused the table to end up broken off of it's legs. While I had the table, it served many purposes. The obvious purpose was the consumption of meals. Others included storage for objects which had no immediate location to be placed, reading books, sleeving comics, and quite a few other things. I even started my gaming lifestyle at a kitchen table. The fun part about my kitchen table is that I have shared with it the same experiences many other people have.

I played my first event with people who were not simply Knights of the Kitchen Table when I was 15. My very first game with the public was a Pokemon Tournament held at a store called Little Bits and Things. This wasn't my Kitchen Table any more. There were about a dozen or so people here and all of them shared a desire with me, to play Pokemon. It was awesome being able to play and discuss the game with new people. There were always new people.

A few months later I was taught the game of V:TES and Magic the Gathering. I spent some time tinkering with decks for both and played the Kitchen Table Circuit as far as it went; which was basically my two of my friends' kitchen tables. I had even begun to teach Magic to my friends that I played Pokemon with. However, I began to desire more. I spoke to the owner of Little Bits and Things and asked her if she would run a few Magic events. Her store really wasn't designed for it and she only ran a couple before deciding against it.

Being unaware of the size of the gaming community for Magic I decided to take matters into my own hands. I began a Magic the Gathering League at the Park Forest Library. It was awesome. Within a few weeks I was meeting more people. People who shared the same interest to play the game of Magic and discuss the topic we all knew. This was something which I would never have accomplished at the Kitchen Table.

While I do still enjoy a good game at the kitchen table, I would never reclaim my Knighthood. Gaming is about being challenged, being able to express yourself, and being able to discuss new things with new people. Sure sometimes people outside of the Kitchen Table can be more aggressive or competitive, but sometimes they can be exactly the kind of person you're glad you didn't lose the opportunity to hang out with.

My friend Pete is just that kind of person. It frustrates me so much that over the last few years Pete and I have grown in different directions because Pete was one of my first friends to truly motivate me to get things done. Pete made me feel like I had reason and purpose. He reminded me that it's great to have a place to play where no one can stop you from being who you are.

As I look at the store I reminisce about the days of the past. The friends and acquaintances I have made. I just want to bring that back for others to enjoy. Next Wednesday, EDH will be free. Show up, have some fun playing EDH with us and get some free promos. Take some time to remember what it means to hang out with your extended friends and possibly even meet some new ones. You never know when someone you played a game with, might be someone who can change your life. I hate to make it sound overly dramatic, but if it hadn't happened to me I wouldn't feel right saying it.

For years I have always thought of myself as a good communicator. However, in the last few years I have had it brought to my attention that some of the ways I communicate have been rather rude, or at least so I am told. When enough isolated people tell you that certain mannerisms you had may be impeding your ability to have a positive relationship with people, you start to realize that there must be a reason.

As I have had it informed to me, and not directly I might add (and yes this is actually said with the tone it sounds like, I tend to type the way I speak), I tend to speak down to people when engaged in an argument. To be quite sincere however, it is not a trait I have really felt so bad for doing though. As of the present, the only people who seem to get offended by it our people who tend not to be too terribly sure of their own opinions, hence the trouble in being able to say something about this to me directly. If you feel this includes you, it probably does. If you want to get mad and go tell someone else, then don’t expect me to change my opinion.

When I began this blog, my intention was to take a scenario and apply my personally crooked opinion to it. The intent wasn’t even to garner a fan base, I just wanted to have another outlet for personal expression of opinion.

Apparently, however, the method of expressing opinions is such a problem that people will allow it to change the way they treat and interact with other people. People find themselves unable to confront their problems head on and they make excuses for why they use surrogates to get the job done.

Again, if this feels like a personally attack on anyone, let me inform you that this is not directed at anyone. I’m sick of failed communication with people and my attitude of speaking down to people cannot end unless people can site some examples. So I urge you, if you feel that this is a problem and you want to explain to me what it is that was done and why it makes you feel so sad then reply and let me know. Otherwise, get over it.

I have always learned that when you feel strongly about something you have to commit yourself to feeling that it is the right answer and that you have the right answer. As many people have experienced I tend to come off as being either liberal or conservative to which I will remind all of you I am neither. I enjoy taking the opposed stance in an argument though and standing my ground. However, if you would like to have an open discussion, prepare to experience a difference scenario all together.

Communication is one of the best parts of being a human being. Failure to communicate is one of the greatest threats to our social existence. Be a part of life, communicate. You can find out some great things about people when you take a moment to tell them they are doing something you don’t like and people aren’t going to change the way they treat you unless you give them a reason to.

In the last few months I have been starting to realize something about myself I am sort of depressed to uncover. I need to be able to interact socially with people on a consistent basis and on a varied system of levels. I tend to need a different series of people to talk about different things with. As of late however, I have had one topic I haven’t had anyone I felt really cared if I discussed with them, emotions. Don’t misunderstand me though, this isn’t to say that they didn’t care about my emotions, but simply that the response was not on the level I need socially.

Large quantities of people seem to think that when I communicate I am trying to communicate only one way. This is quite inaccurate, however. In actuality I need responsive communication. A conversation is “The spoken exchange of thoughts, opinions, and feelings.” Without feedback there is no conversation.

Having the emotional conversation I need to have, however, is not something I can do with just anyone either. There are a lot of things I discuss which unveil a layer of myself which I am not comfortable sharing with people. For those of you which have experienced it, I appreciate you more than you will ever really understand. It has been your ability to listen and interact with me about the thoughts and feelings related to my emotions and that has helped me make it through some of the more difficult times in my life.

However, now I am faced with a decision which haunts me every night and feelings which place me suspended over a canyon with the ropes of the bridge snapping quickly. I need to pick a side and for the first time in my life I don’t know which side I want to be on. Time is running out though, and if don’t do something fast I will end up falling for the rest of my short life.

In times like this I feed on conversation the most. I drink in casual, emotional, and thought provoking conversation as a runner does water in a race. Right now I keep teetering on the edge of dehydration, but I am very much appreciative of the conversation I can get when I can get it. I’m a little overwhelmed and it’s making it hard to make time for the things I want to have the time for but I am glad I can get what I get.

Thanks to those of you who can understand how much I enjoy and thrive on good conversation.

There are some days it pains me to be right. In fact, there are a great deal too many times when I find myself knowing I am right about something and praying that I am wrong. Most people operate on the assumption that I spend a great deal of my life trying to make myself right or wanting to be right. When it comes down to watching people throw their lives away or end up being hurt or having their family members or friends fade from their lives, I don’t ever want to be right.

I am watching a great deal too many of the people I care about ruin their lives. Sadly, this includes me. I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to find the path that’s right for me and finding myself very confused over and over and over again. I’ve been standing at this intersection for so long I’m starting to grow vegetation. The problem is that each route I take has a sizable impact on every person involved in my life. However, after a while you begin to realize that sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away and watch it all die.

After this post, I expect that my reader count will fade. In fact this will be the first one that begins the decline. This post comes from a series of things which have happened today. I’m not going to go into great detail, but it is only further support for the decision on which path I shall finally choose.

Many people come into a person’s life and change it. There are even some people that come along and change it so dramatically that life can never be the same again. They leave deep scars or warm feelings which the body will never lose. I feel that I have been this way to every person I have considered a friend or a confidant. I can see the scars I had left, along with the warmth. I can see when they don’t know how to handle the feelings they are left with when they make decisions they didn’t want to make or shouldn’t have made. I can see the pain and joy they are going to feel in the time to come.

I’ve been over these opinions and feelings with my friends, family, and confidants. They all know the things in their hearts that I have told them, with the fear of loss deep in my throat. They know the feelings and frustrations they felt in response. This year, I was worried about all the things that I was going to lose.

The fact is that I am not going to lose anything I actually had. I am not trying to control anyone’s life and I am not trying to destroy anyone’s life either. However, I don’t want to see people ruin their own. So many people are getting ready to ruin themselves in ways they can’t imagine. This is the year it happens. This is the year it all changes. I’m tired of standing here, and I’m tired of fighting the excuses, listening to the pain, and dealing with the frustrations. I don’t normally walk away from anyone who needs help, but this time I think it’s time I gave just one more shout to remind them the foundation won’t hold, before I turn and listen to it collapse and take them all with it.

I have chosen my path. I chose the path I have always wanted to have because I have always valued it most. It’s not an easy path. It’s not a bright path. Along the way there are hardships and troubles I cannot foresee, but it is the path I have longed for. It’s time I led by zealous example, instead of by passionate aggression.

Have you ever felt like sometimes the road you are looking at is the wrong road? The last two weeks have reminded me of what it is that I’ve been looking for. They reminded me what it is I missed most. They have left me with a feeling that is going to fill me with great pain for several weeks to come.

Being without Samantha left me with an empty feeling inside. Combined with the feeling I got because Rebecca was gone as well, the hole in my heart was making it hard to breathe. Seeing the way Samantha cares about me and the way she misses me is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. I never thought that anyone would be so disappointed that I walked out of a room. Though when Samantha was gone she had a big piece of my heart, when she came back to me, she shared enough to make it all better.

That’s one of my favorite parts about love, real love. When it’s shared it grows. It doesn’t always last forever because it is fragile, but it is also beautiful and to not touch it and appreciate it would be a sin against love itself. You take chances that things will break, but if you’re extra careful it will survive even the toughest fall.

This is funny, because that’s part of why the end of things with Teri was so painful at first. Teri was someone who I had fun spending time with and she seemed to have fun spending time with me. I had always felt that even if what we had felt for each other wasn’t the kind of love that would go on forever, that in the end we would always be great friends. Instead I was told that friendship was impossible. How rude is that?

However, it didn’t take very long for me to open my eyes to the situation. I was already certain that we weren’t going to make it and I had no idea how long it was going to last. I knew her friends were not my biggest fans, and I knew I hated feeling like I had to walk on egg shells to not offend her friends. In truth, sometimes I felt like I was just watching the sands of an hourglass fall away. The only thing left about it all that bothers me was the last comment she said that will be burned into my mind forever, “I just don’t feel the same way about you that you feel about me.” I never got to learn what that meant. Did she think I wanted to marry her or did she start having feelings that she wanted to marry someone? From the day we started to pursue that relationship we had agreed to just go with things.

As a person who is constantly searching for answers to life’s little mysteries, I find myself forever fighting to understand what that comment really means. However, I know why it happened, and I know why she was put in my life. I’ve learned a lot these last two weeks about a lot of things. It’s time I stopped trying to do what I feel obligated to do, and start doing what I want to do.

I’m a 26 year old jack-of-all-trades entrepreneur with a brilliant mind, a rational set of goals, and an incredible talent for expression. I have everything I need to make the best of my life. For those of you who wish to drag me down, I will be here awaiting your challenge and for those of you who have helped to build me up, I wish you a life’s worth of the same.