Today I find myself at home, feeling like garbage. I have an on and off headache that isn’t really strong enough to overcome my racing thoughts, but is just strong enough to remind me when it starts. The cough and the running nose, however, are the real reason I am not at work today. I tire of dealing with the question of am I sick from the clients. Though I am sick this time, as the years past have shown, I traditionally go into work and just deal with it. As the day goes on I would have clients repeatedly ask why I didn’t take the day off, to which my only reply is, I don’t have time for days off. After a half-hour debate with myself I decided that maybe I should just stay home and be sick.

This will come out of my vacation time, however, but since I will be expending my vacation funds this year on essentials for Samantha while she is here in my home, I will not be taking a vacation this year, aside from my weekend GenCon time (which I may use up two of my vacation days for).

I find myself right now struggling to figure out what is most needed for Samantha when I bring her out here. I know I need diapers and wipes, a little more baby food, and some extra toys, and that Rebecca will be passing her on to me with clothes and possibly a few extra toys. I am almost finished with daycare arrangements and trying to figure out how to juggle the multiple responsibilities I have.

What ever happened to responsibility? Over the last few years I have found myself trying to be more responsible and trying to make more stable long term plans for myself and those around me. I’ve been setting aside some money for the future, making sure as well that I am prepared for the Future Present, and trying to manage my income so I can still buy the things I need and want to buy for others. It’s not hard to do, it’s just something that takes time.

In terms of responsibility I get a little annoyed when people seem to act as though I don’t take enough of it. If anything I find myself overwhelmed by the excess of things I have foolishly made myself responsible for. The reality of my duties is finally starting to overtake my ability to maintain composure. I need someone I can trust to aid with the store, and the problem I am having is finding someone I can trust. The business keeps changing as far as its income is concerned and it is getting more difficult to make plans for how to execute having someone work the store. However, I have come to the realization that I need to know that there is a day I can take off of my responsibilities, a day that I can walk away from it all and know that when I come back everything is going to be fine.

I need time for my family and the people I care about. If I have to give up a dream to get that, I will. I love all the things which are a part of my life right now, but if I have to cut off my arm to save my head, than I will do what I must. It’s not my first option, but it is definitely on my list.

I’m on a winning streak and I know very soon I’m going to get dealt a really bad hand, but I think I’ve been playing well enough that even if I get handed a few of them, I might recover pretty well. I’ve been learning the value of compromise. I’m usually very terrible at it. I tend to believe that if my opinion feels more logical that it should hold higher merit. Some decisions though cannot be based solely on logic. The key to compromise so far, doesn’t seem to be that either party sacrifice, it’s that they find a way to achieve a more unified goal.

Another more important aspect of compromise is being a little more willing to give up reservations about the things you may not like. I am trying more to understand certain things in an effort to be able to have a more unified opinion of them, similar to the way that I dislike WoW (World of Warcraft) at the present for a great deal of reasons, but I can respect and understand the reason which others enjoy it. Without giving things a more fair chance, how can a person ever expect to achieve a realistic understanding of the people they interact with and how can they be truly sure of their innate dislike unless they validate it with experience.

The painful part is that usually to achieve this point of life it seems like people have to have realized that they failed at compromise, and most people don’t ever seem to accept that at any point during the stages of grieving. The natural response seems to be either to start giving a lot or to start taking a lot. Situations in which I have placed myself in during the relationships I have had.

I’m presently going to continue to enjoy the table that I am at currently, since I feel that I am once again discovering that sometimes life can still teach you lessons without having to abuse you in the process. I’ve got to say thanks to Brendan for making me realize where the screw up in my lifestyle has been and helping me sort of clear my concept of what compromise was. Though I didn’t agree with his opinion, I feel that he helped steer me in the direction which will benefit me for a long time to come.

I have never done this before, and as they say, there really is a first time for everything. I am posting from Teri’s room. It’s strange because I am trying to type on a foreign keyboard. However, I have decided I have things to say, and I am going to get them out right now.

For the first time in a very long time, I feel like I am winning. I’m not just winning small battles, or pretending I am winning to try to feel better, but actually winning. I just got the paperwork from Rebecca’s lawyer finalizing the custody terms for Samantha, and although there are a few typographical errors, which require correction, I am happy with the details.

For those of you that keep asking me over and over again. Samantha will be placed in daycare on half of the days that I work, and my mom’s care the other half. The bonus to this is that I will have a better excuse to visit my mom a little more often.

Which is the direction I am going with this blog right now. Family is quite possibly the most undervalued necessity in life. People nowadays consider family to be a piggy bank, a burden, or a crutch. I’ve spent years trying hard not to do either, and ultimately doing all three at some point in my life. However, that is part of the beauty of family. Even if you cross the line a good family is willing to say something about it, forgive you, and remind you every once in a while so you don’t do it again.

Most of my family is a good family. There are branches on these trees which need a little bit more “special care” and possibly even some pruning. Though it is okay as a family member to point out the inconsistencies of their actions, flat out making wild accusations and comments based on your own jaded belief system is wrong to anyone and double wrong amongst family. For years I have refrained from making the comments about how a PhysEd Teacher couldn’t seem to keep her weight under control even prior to her kids, but recently, I could honestly care less.

The reason for all of this is that I am about to lose two of the most influential members of my family probably sooner than I want to admit. Even though I know they are not invincible, for years they have always felt too strong to ever be beaten by the things that they are fighting against now. Both sides of my family have had their own internal struggles mostly stemming from their failure to realize that family isn’t just something you abandon or something you manipulate. Family is something you keep close to you and remind you that life’s worth more than you sometimes give it credit for. Family is something that will love you even if you may have been less than civil as a person. Family is a system that will keep itself together as long as it wants to be together. When these members of my family die, I fear the families will go with them.

Don’t ever forget that your family helped put you where you are now. Even if they’ve been gone for a long time, or they just recently left your life, they’ve been there for you. Maybe not the family you thought, or the way you wanted them to be, but I’m sure if you take a step back and see the big picture you’ll see the family that made you who you are.

Time has a new meaning to the people of Arfore. After a savage war ravaged their country the denizens of Arfore cast off the concepts of the heroes who were claimed to have founded their once great land. Now blaming the same heroes who gave them a home the country grows wrapped in a brutal struggle for control of its most valuable resource, the Forgers of Akunsant. Ages have passed since Arfore was near destroyed and the people seek to never again be ruled by any one man.

Religion is fear in the lands of Arfore and the people fear not to pray for thanks and protection. To be healed in the lands of Arfore is a miracle among miracles. However, it is in the darkest times that the brightest light begins to shine.

Nestled deep within one of the last few bastions of righteous men a young green haired boy claims to have the names of five great people who will save this world once and for all. He speaks the name of a God long thought dead and tells the fate of the world without them. According to the his fortune, the world is in it's final stages of life. He claims that a force stronger than the gods of the world wishes to expunge this world from existence unless those foretold can join together and overtake the forces which would destroy the world.

Dozens of groups have heeded his warnings, all of which claim to be the group foretold of and none of which does the young boy confirm. These forces take it upon themselves to find the answers to the prophecy of the boy, attempting to cleanse the world of it's evils.

For those of you that have played in one of my campaigns you may notice some important things. I will be casting characters for the game as a person casts characters for the movie. This game will begin in September and will use the D20 3.5 Based Pahtfinder Roleplaying System. A free download of the beta materials is available for download at www.paizo.com .

To apply, create a character using the Pathfinder Roleplaying System and any other Wizards Approved 3.5 Source Material. You must use a point buy system of 28 points and all psionics are not valid. Present the character with an adequate description of the character and their personality to me. We will discuss a time in which I can interview your character and I will notify you of my decision 2 weeks before the start of the campaign.

The fate of a world depends on you.

I’ve come to realize that I don’t much care for this blogging concept. I have a whole lot of ideas and theories I want to discuss, but the problem is that I come off as being rude when I state a great deal of my opinions. The goal with this was to be expressive and honest in a way that might make it easier for people to understand. My concern with this, however, is that it will end up coming off as a series of complaints and grievances, or just another blog about my life.

I’ve decided to go forward with it though. I have way too many things going on to just simply ignore them. This is more about my need to express than about my need for self gratification. I make this public because I want input and maybe a little confirmation. I could be a coward and not do this, but just like my reasoning behind pursing my current relationship with Teri, I want this, I deserve this, and I feel like I might even love this.

I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to understand people. This is a task which is, by no means, simple or rational. From life I have learned that though you may not be able to predict the short term of a person, you can almost always determine their long term course of action. It is very true that the human race is filled with creatures of habit, and we all try very hard not to be and end up in the same rut.

The key to things that I feel most people miss out on is the real reason we feel a need for companionship. As people, we can only take a step back so far and we can never take a step back enough to see when we are falling in to habit. Having someone you can depend on to remind you to stay the right course and not simply the familiar course is important, and having a group of someone’s with their own mind to point out the merits and flaws of your course options is what being the captain of your ship is all about. Every Captain spends a great deal of time on their crew and their first mate. The crew is essential in producing the ideas which the Captain will ultimately have to choose from. The first mate is there to remind the Captain that the decision may be a repeat of a previous problem or could create a new problem.

In life, however, people tend to ignore the very things they claim to want input from. They will ask their crew for opinions, verify it with the first mate, and then take the same action they have taken a million times before. It’s a real sick and depressing pattern to watch and I’m a little tired of it. Not that there is anything I can do about it.

I’m trying to break this cycle now. My goal is to gather as much information as possible and make decisions based on the better course and not just simply the more familiar. More people should realize that an opinion is always worth as much as you want it to be worth and even though you can realize the value of it, it is not necessarily the opinion you want or even need. You can’t buy much in Mexico with a Euro, but you can have tacos all day long on just a few Pesos. Every thought is worth a lot, it’s not always a valuable resource, but it’s never a good idea to stop letting people share the most valuable thing they have with you.