In the last few years, I’ve begun to notice that sometimes the greatest of your merits can also be your biggest flaws. As many people know, I tend to be a very intense and passionate person when it comes to a great deal of things. I tend to devote a great deal of time and effort to the subject of my enjoyment. However, sometimes I can let it go too far and end up allowing it to cause problems with the other parts of my life or I drain the energy from it like it were food and I had been tied to a chair for days. Being the type to never have batteries on hand this tends to suck for a great deal of my non-rechargeable electronics. It’s even worse if you happen to be a human being.

Teri is the object of said attention. Just being around her seems to brighten up my day and a conversation with her is enough to spark a level of desire I never knew I could achieve. However, like a 5 year old with a new toy I’ve pushed the same sound effect one too many times and the batteries have reached the point where Ernie sounds a lot more satanic than comedic.

The store is more similar to the late effects of the things I enjoy. The store is a passion of mine which has become an important part of my life. However, like most of the things in my life, I need time away from them no matter how much I may enjoy them. I love the store and the last thing I want to do is close it up and walk away, but I have spent so much time managing it and working within its walls I just want some time to breathe.

The combined effect of these two things is where I was for the last few days. My monthly burnout times are getting worse. I keep finding myself unable to sleep when I want to sleep. I keep forgetting things which I should never forget and losing track of things which I constantly need. I haven’t spent time with my family in so long I feel like many of them can only wonder if I still care.

Next Saturday is my trip to pickup my daughter from Missouri. I am leaving with Teri early in the morning and we’ll be staying in a hotel out there overnight. I am debating leaving Friday night, but the drive wouldn’t put us into Missouri until 11 or 12, but being able to spend Saturday with nothing important to do would be the best vacation I could have in well over 9 months. I need to reset my mind and just realize that everything really is in a better place than it has been in a very long time.

I’m worried because for the first time in my life I feel like my passion is starting to flicker. I’m worried because I’ve never felt so indifferent so much. I’m worried because I’ve never felt this much like I just want to run away and never come back.